Curious? No Honey, You’re Being Judgmental – By Atyaba Javed

Curious? No Honey, You’re Being Judgmental.

Culture, tradition, norms and “Society” are the things that matter a lot to us, don’t they? I ask you, “Why”? Why do you need to satisfy all the things that are present in our culture, tradition and of course our society? Why do we have this urge to satisfy these to the core? Before writing this article, I was constantly observing the desperation of people regarding these factors.

For instance, a couple of days ago I was attending the “Nikah”of a relative of mine. In that rather way too long and unending time period, her words not mine, I observed some bizarre traditions like the bride must wear a nose ring. It was no issue till the very married aunties came and tried to make the bride wear that nose ring. The bride was in extreme pain because the hole in the nose was not as wide as the end of that ring and the boring was fresh hence painful. The thing that triggered me to actually mention this incident in my article was the fact that most of you people might be thinking that the Nikah was done without her wearing a nose ring but that was not the case.

Despite the painful hails of that innocent soul, no one showed mercy and one way or the other they did make her wear it successfully, as a result that hole was bleeding faintly. That day I realized the lengths people may go to follow their culture and traditions, and when you ask them this annoying “why” they very haughtily reply, “Tum naujawan nasal ka bus chale to sari rasmen khatam kar do, kuch nahi patahotatumhe”. Well! Okay, our lips are sealed. But the actual question is, how long do we keep our lips sealed and witness such things in the society, which are physically, mentally or even emotionally torturing people?

“We can’t do anything, the society shapes us”, they say. Have we ever given the slightest of thoughts that if the society shapes us then who does actually shape the society itself? Are there some super-natural powers or has “The Joker” come out of“The Dark Night” to shape a society as pathetic as we live in? You readers must be like, “Come on, it’s not a joke. We know that’s fiction”. But you know what? We’re so blind to our mistakes that for once we can even accept such claptrap but will never accept our own faux pas.

Because “WE” shape the society; and remember that it’s not the other way around. Now the big question is that how do we shape the society? This is not a one day change as well as “A one man show”. We start adding up things in the society, then oour next door neighbors and then a lot of other people. The change cycle starts from “YOU” and then ends at the same you who is now crying for the changes or rather the poignant changes that have happened in the society due to which you cannot live your life freely without any disruptions.

We say that the society is male dominant? Have we ever thought why that is? I saw a woman, praying to different sources and deviating from the right path. Looking as desperate as the waters of the sea and as torn as the winds of the storm crying and begging for something. I felt pity for her and I asked her about the reason behind her anguish, to which she replied, “Bibi, meri shadi kodussaalhogaehain or meripaanchbetiyanhainlekinpata nahi ab tak is Khuda ne mujheAulad-e-Nareenakyun nahi di. Me isiaas per dargaahatihun k ekmeri ye dua sun li jae”. I told her that she has a husband and five daughters, why did she need a son, and her reply left me astonished. She said, “Betiyan to bojhhotihain,kamakarkuchdenginahinlekin jab rukhsathongi to buhatkuch le jaengi. Ekbhi beta ho to kum se kumburhaape ka saharahota hai”. And about the education of those innocent yet jinxed souls (according to her) she simply denied the idea because it is of no use and will cause them even more burden. You see? That’s one of the pathetic tales of this society which we have shaped. Yes! We have shaped this society because instead of resenting our daughters, if we accept them wholeheartedly and provide them with good education, we can break this “heritage” which is present in our society since long before. I’ve seen people at the old age home telling how their “sons” which they oh so happily brought in this world cannot take care of them even if they have all the facilities.

This male dominance starts from the very core of a household. People say men are chauvinist. I say women are chauvinist. The women demanding her rights from the society and labelling herself as feminists are the ones whose mother had always told them, “Tum sirfsalan le lo, boti bhai k lye chor do”. Why? Isn’t she also your child? People create this difference since a very early age. “Dekho to zara,jahanjharoonazarayasafaikarnashuru. Larkiyonwaliharkatenhainabhi se is ki”, said the mother to her barely two years old son. Why do we have to label the chores as ye larkiyon kay kaamhain or ye larkon kay? That’s where we’re wrong. That’s where we shape a women-labored society. And we say society shapes us. Like seriously?

“Is larki ne to mere bete per pata nahi kya jadukardia hai kay ab wo is ghar me rehna hi nahi chahta”, said the mother-in-law. In came her married daughter crying about not being able to convince her husband for a separate home. That same mother-in-law called her daughters husband and told him to not meet her daughter until they get a separate house with complete privacy from his family. Hypocrite much? I know every single reader will second me on this particular scenario. Ab to esa hi chalta hai bhayee.In the same context comes the issue of dowry; “No dowry, no husband” as well as kids. You’ll mentally or sometimes even physically assault your “bahu” when she couldn’t produce an offspring for several years and when she finally does, you’ll burden her with chores and a crying baby saying “tumhara bacha hai. Jab paidakia hai to paalobhi, or tum koi pehliaurat nahi ho jo ghar ka kambhikare or bachebhisambhale”

Is ma’shrey ka waqai koi pursaan-e-haal nahi!

Are these examples enough to change the perspective that the society shapes us? We need to be strong enough to not let “the society” change our good perspectives and morals and shape us the way it wants to and we also need to STOP making such hypocrite rules for our own benefit because remember that it’s not necessary that it’s convenient for other people just like we feel vexed by the additions and beliefs of others “contributions” to shape the society.I would use the phrase “Coup de foudre”even when there’s no love at first sight or a romantic story in this article. Well that’s because we fall in love with our own selves the moment we see our “Chaandsamukhra” in the mirror that we don’t give a single thought about others. We need to break the chain and start realizing our own mistakes rather than pointing out the mistakes of the society because as I said “We shape the society”. As the rule#20 of “The forty rules of love” states:

“Don’t go with the flow, be the flow”.

By: Atyaba Javed

 

 

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